Ok, so you’re married or have a partner and you just had a kid. Congratulations! You will now embark on the greatest journey of all…fatherhood! Or, maybe you’ve had kids forever, err, i mean years, and you’re an old pro! Whichever it is, one thing is quite clear: your wife’s vagina has become an endangered species, its just the way it is. Don’t panic, you are NOT alone. If you break it down, its really quite simple: you married your wife because you love her, of course, and because you wanted guaranteed, steady sex. Ding! Unfortunately, your wife married you to have the kids and now that you’ve done that bit, you’ve pretty much been demoted to an employee, doing what you’re told and when you’re told it. Sound familiar? Yup.
There’s not much any of us can do for each other, we are sadly on our own. But i can offer you a few places to look for it. Happy hunting friends:
1. Her Underwear Drawer
You might as well start here, these are the last things to have seen it most likely. They have a special relationship with one another.
2. Her Purse
This is a bottomless pit of mystery and wonder, so tread lightly. And don’t be shocked by what you find in there, it doesn’t matter. Just stay focused and look for her vagina.
3. Her Car
This is a little like the purse, only bigger and worse. Its not explainable why women keep their cars are in the condition they do, it just seems to part of their culture. A secret club that you will never receive an invitation for. Or their just lazy, i don’t know. But i do know that you go in at your own risk. If you came out alive, you are guaranteed to make at least $1.38 in loose change. Nice!
4. The Gym
This is Eric, your wife’s personal trainer. He’s very good at what he does, and while his reputation might be a tad concerning to you, don’t worry…..you trust her, right? Yeah. But just in case, take a good look around and make sure to check her locker.
5. The UPS Truck
This guy delivers her online shopping addiction on a daily basis. Packages going “in and out” of the house, day after day….just sayin’. Not sure how to handle this one, maybe just mail yourself to yourself, cut a few peep holes, and see what happens?
6. Her Best Friend
It’s possible that your wife is now a full blown lesbian and you just don’t know it. They spend A LOT of time together….don’t they? (Ok, a guy can dream, can’t he?)