Fantasy Football Is Almost Better Than Sex


If you are married with children, there is a 67% chance you spend more time playing fantasy football than you do having sex.  If you are still having sex, and its with your wife, well congratulations…you picked a good one!

But life generally doesn’t seem to go that way, so you now find yourself balancing your kids, wife and work with a limited but precious list of ‘me time’.   You’ll watch porn has often as no-one is looking, you grab the occasional beer with one of your married friends (your single friends are long gone), and if you’re nocturnal, perhaps some binge watching when everyone is fast asleep.  And that’s about it, give or take.  Nice life you’ve carved out for yourself, huh?

Well, if you don’t already play it, we highly recommend fantasy football.  It takes up about 80% of your day depending on your teams roster and your weekly opponent.  If you are rolling along nicely in the season, you can trim that to about 73%.  But make no mistakes, its about the only thing you’ll do or care about until the Monday night game ends.  Then you start all over again, over and over, until the season ends, usually with you missing the playoffs or getting eliminated early on.

In 2015, the Fantasy Sports Trade Association (FSTA) said that nearly 57 million people age 12 and above in the US and Canada played fantasy sports in 2014.  Roughly a quarter of the US population, including millions of women, play fantasy football, according to American Express, who listed the most popular fantasy football league portals:  (click to sign up)

The company’s latest Spending & Saving Tracker said 74.7 million Americans plan to participate in fantasy football this year, spending $4.6 billion, company spokeswoman Jane Di Leo said.

And those fantasy participants are mostly playing for money.  They are projected to spend an average of $107 each on fantasy leagues. A total of 58 percent of players expect to spend an additional average of $64 on food, while 48 percent plan to spend an average of $50 on nonalcoholic beverages and 47 percent say they’ll spend an average of $60 on booze.

So who needs sex when you can spend all your time and money on fantasy football.  Think of it as the classic Woody Allen line….”Don’t knock masturbation.  Its sex with someone you love”.

Graph showing revenue.  Its only gotten bigger.


Ricky Bobby prays for his team:


the Fantasy Cave! (notice the easy access toilet):




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